Every friendship should have a purpose and every relationship should have a focus. The focus of every relationship should be marriage. You have no business being in a relationship with someone if you know you are not going to marry the person. You need to have the right focus why you want to be in a relationship with someone, and the focus should be because you want to marry the person.
It is so sad that a lot of people are in a relationship for wrong reasons, some are in a relationship because they feel lonely and they need someone to be with, others are in a relationship for sex, some also are in a relationship for fun, many too are in a relationship because all their friends are in a relationship and they feel left out.
Some people too are in a relationship because someone is
putting pressure on them so they decide to be in a relationship. But all these are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. It amazes me sometimes to see people in a relationship with a married man or woman, but the question is, what business do you have dating somebody's husband or wife?
This is not the life of a responsible, matured person. Have the right focus for being in a relationship. Don't start something with the intention of not finishing, if you know you are not going to continue and finish then don't start it at all. Be a responsible person, may be you are reading this article, and you know you are in a wrong relationship, “is time to quit” and come of such unhealthy relationship which does not have a future and godly approval.
I mostly tell ladies, when a brother or a man comes into your life, there are two things you should find out from him. Whether he has a plan for your life or he want to play with your life. This man who claim to be in love with you, does he want to make an honorable woman out of you, to be his wife and the mother of his children?
If you are a brother who is fun of using ladies and dumping them, is time for you to stop and repent. Some brothers are so proud of how they use ladies and dump them, but that's a foolish thing to do, there is no sense in that at all. Galatians 6:7; The bible says, you will reap what you sow, so if you are reading this today, is because God want you to repent.
Women are not sex toy or object that must be use and dump at will, it is so sad that when some men see women, all they see is breast, buttock and sex. But women are unique beings created by God to be a blessing to men and the world, so as a man,
see women beyond sex object.
WHY ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP
Are you in a relationship with the right person? Is your relationship headed for marriage or you just want to have fun? If you are in a relationship with someone, is time for both of you to define that relationship. Ask yourself, why are you in that relationship? is it for the right reason, if not, is time to quit, if you are also in a sexual relationship, is time to
say no to sex and come out of such relationship and live pure and clean before God.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you know you want to get married, you have to set a Godly boundary around that relationship and know your limits. Don't tread on dangerous grounds. As a lady, the fact that he is going to marry you does not mean you should be sleeping over his place, that's a wrong thing to do.
Some of you know it's wrong but you still do it in the name of proving him your love, stop that If in case you visit him and it's late, then if he has a car let him drive you home, if he doesn't then he should call for a taxi for you to go home. Never sleep over a man’s place who is not yet married to you. Show yourself a little dignity, honor and respect.
THE WRONG CONCEPTS IN CHOOSING MARITAL PARTNER
If you are single, there are many things that may attract you to a man or woman for marital relationship which has nothing to do with marriage, but you may be willfully ignorant of that. Here is the list of such things:
When you see a brother who can play musical instrument very well or a young lady or man who has a good voice, and you feel attracted to the person for marital relationship, now what does singing or musical instrument has to do with marriage? It is called the ignorance of the singles.
You may not realize this until you get into marital relationship or you get married that you will know that what attracted you to the person in the first instance has nothing to do with
having a successful marriage at all. That is one of the reasons celebrities marriages do not last, those talents are not really needed in marriage, only on stage. Then you will remember
James 5:13, "Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms" it's when people are happily married that they appreciate their spouses singing melody to them, but if not; the voices and singing become ugly.
This is very funny, but to many singles out there, it is not funny at all, it is rather a costly ignorance. When you are attracted to a man because he knows how to dress very well, or to a lady because she has straight legs, because the person is tall, slim, light skin or glowing skin, or because the person has good set of teeth, long hair, or has a good smile, you are under the influence of common singles ignorance, because none of these things have anything to do with having a good marriage.
If you go into marital relationship or get married wrongly to a person because of physical attraction, when the agony of bad marriage overwhelms you, you will wish to use cutlass to cut off the straight legs or whatever that lured you to the person.
In the book of Proverbs 31: 30, the Bible says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” If you are single and you are still overwhelmed with single exorbitance, this Bible verse will not make any sense to you, you will feel like, “No oh, beauty is something to me o, I want to marry a beautiful woman, that is my longtime dream.” Or “I want to marry a handsome man; in fact I can’t marry less than that.”
And you even quote Bible to back it up, that God gives good things to His children. You know what?To the single, beauty is something or everything, but to have a successful marriage, beauty is nothing. If you see a beautiful lady or a handsome young man over there, and you are attracted to the person for marital relationship, because of the beauty, you know what?
You are under the influence of single ignorance which will soon clear from your eyes when you get into it. Physical beauty has nothing to do with a good or happy marriage. If physical beauty has anything to contribute to happy marriage, why do celebrities have more divorce rate? Why do most men with beautiful wives still cheat on their wives or abuse them physically or verbally?
It is simply because physical beauty has nothing to do with having a good marriage, and just as the Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 that beauty is passing – meaning the impression that the beauty of person has on you will shortly pass away in marriage and you will face the reality.
- 4. Financial And Material Influence:
If you marry somebody because the person is financially okay or has a good job or business, after you get married, you then realize that God had already destined you to be prospered on your own without the person, then you will wish you had married the right person and prospered together.
When you marry somebody because of their financial or material influence, you will not have respect of the person and you will not have rest of mind. Later you will realize that you could have made it richer without the person, that you could have married the poor but right person and make it together.
When you see a couple in a brand new latest SUV, wearing same designers, when you see a couple spending their vacation or summer in an expensive place outside the country, and you envy them and wish you have such marriage? What a fool! You don’t know that all those things have nothing to do with happy home.
Money, materials and others have nothing to do with a good and godly home. For example, there is no amount of money your husband may have that can console you when you realize he is cheating on you. When you marry a visionless rich man that has a Television and ignore a visionary man without a Television now, then one day
you will watch the visionary man on your husband's TV.
Also when you marry a wrong lady without the inbuilt capacity to support your vision, but because she is beautiful to behold, soon you will have no major project than to spend on her beauty with latest makeup’s.
- 5. Academic Qualifications:
Another common ignorance among singles in choosing partner in marriage is academic qualification. You want to marry, and you have this idol of academic qualification in your heart that the lady you want to marry must be very educated or the man you want to marry must not have lesser education than you.
When you ignore
the perfect will of God for your life because he is not as educated as you want or because her academic qualification is too low, and you think,
“How will people feel that after all my academic qualification I will now marry this person with low academic qualification"
Will it not sound well for people to hear that the person you want to marry graduated from so-so university, or she/he is a Dr, Lawyer, Engr. Etc.? You know what? People you are trying to impress by marrying a wrong educated person will not be there with you in the marriage when tragedy of wrong marriage starts to let loose on you.
Do you want to marry a particular tribe person or you want to marry the perfect will of God for your life? Will it not be so painful that the heart-breaking wrong person you marry is from your tribe? Rather, will you not be so peaceful that the loving, godly and right person you marry is from another tribe? Which one is better for you?
It is funny when I see people saying they must marry from their tribe or town or village as if they have not seen the worst husbands or wives from that their tribe, as if marrying in their tribes is more important than marrying in the Lord.
When you allow your parents to choose for you instead of allowing God to choose for you or when you choose to marry somebody because his or her parents are good or godly, and you go into marital relationship with somebody because it is the wish of your parents or because the parents of the person are ministers, popular, or powerful in the society, such is called ignorance of the single. When you enter into the wrong marriage, your parents or the parents of your spouse will not be there with you.
- 8. The Only Right Choice:
If you don’t want to marry and mar your life, destiny, ministry and eternity, but if you want to marry and make it in life, and also make heaven, then the only person you can marry and never regret it is the person who is the will of God for you. God has created a person for you that fits your life, destiny, God’s program for you and that is what is called the will of God in marriage.
You may miss the right school, the right carrier for you or the right job, but please do not miss the right person God has created for you because if you miss it, you may miss everything including heaven.
HOW TO DISCOVER THE WILL OF GOD IN MARRIAGE
- Surrender your life to Jesus. Only in Christ you have the will of God, until you are genuinely saved.
- Surrender your will and ways to God. Let His will be your will and His way be yours, no idol.
- Seek Him for guidance. Lean not on your own understanding.
- Settle for God’s will, not your permissive will.
- Stay pure till marriage. No premarital inordinate affection or sexual immorality.
Here is the word of God – Isaiah 1:19, 20: “If you are willing and obedient, You shall eat the good of the land; But if you refuse and rebel, You shall be devoured by the sword”; For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
