This is the second part in our marriage counseling story recommended
for very Christian woman and for the spinster intending to sojourn into marital
adventure. I had discovered that some marriage counseling and ideas often share by marriage counselors are not always uphold by some women.
In most cases, whenever some of them eventual get married
they will forget all the acquired marital lessons. They will dump all marriage
seminar notes and materials at a corner and won’t even bothered to refresh
those material because they assumed marriage is all about finding or getting
married to the right person or God’s perfect will partner, No!
Moreover even if you get married to Jesus Christ (physically),
there are some certain marriage programs and activities which you ought to
implement in order to satisfied your Lord because as your Lord he has
principles which you must succumbed unto in order to live peacefully.
- Marriage Counseling
And Lesson For Every Christian Woman Part 2:
(Continuation).......i decided that night that I had had enough of Kenny’s
erratic behavior and we needed counseling. I waited for him to come home the
next morning but he never showed up. I called him around noon when I was
getting worried but he did not pick my call. I got a text shortly after saying,
“I am quite surprised you are looking for me. Don’t worry, I am fine. Don’t let me distract you from God”.
I decided it was time to seek counsel from my pastor’s wife. As I sat down with
Mummy as we normally call her that evening after a word of prayer and recounted
the full story of our challenges from the beginning of the fasting period.
I was quite hopeful that I will get solutions on the next
step to take. Mummy looked at me and shook her head as I showed her the last
text I got from Kenny from my phone. ”Sister Lola, what does the Bible say
about our parents and honor?” ”Honor your father and mother, that your days
might be long” I quickly replied wondering why we were talking about my parents
when it was my marriage that needed healing.
”Do you remember when you came to me and decided you wanted
to marry this young man who was barely a baby in the lord. I warned you to look
for giants in the spirit. If you had honored my words, surely the days of your
marriage would have been long”, she said with obvious annoyance.
”I am sorry mummy, I love my husband and I think he loves
God too” ”He loves God? You are still defending his actions? A man that cannot
agree with you in prayer? That will not deny his body to feed his spirit? She
asked me. ”I am sorry ma” I quickly said. Mummy was known for her short temper
and I did not want to get on her bad side. ”Anyway the deed has been done.
We need to find a way forward. You see the devil is not
resting. He is obviously seeking to devour your marriage. Remember the
scripture in Ephesians 6: 12 says, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but
against principalities, against powers and against the rulers of the darkness
of this world.
The battle is not with your husband. It is a fight in the
spirit”. ”Okay ma” I said. ”The devil knows this fast is going to liberate your
marriage and he wants to stop it at all cost. The flesh will be satisfied
eventually but you need to be spiritually fortified first.
So make sure you
complete it in total consecration to God”. ”Okay ma. What do I now do about his
refusal to come home ma?” ”Oh don’t worry Lola, he will come home. He is like
the prodigal son, he will surely return. Let us pray my dear”.
By the time I left my pastor’s house after about two hours
of prayer. I felt stronger and better. Kenny was just over reacting and I was
definitely on the right course. I just needed to keep praying and not let me
faith be shaken. When I got home and met Kenny relaxing in the sitting room, it
confirmed to me that everything mummy said was correct since he returned like
she had prophesied.
As the days passed things got more estranged. Kenny stopped
going to our church and demanded I move to this new church he found. Of course
I vehemently refused. It is important to be grounded and not church belly-
hopping. I got daily text motivations from my mummy in the lord and that just
encouraged me.
Finally the last day
of the 100 days came and it was announced in church that couples should endeavor
to attend together since there was going to be an all night prayer. I begged
and pleaded with Kenny but he adamantly refused. I went to church alone that
night and prayed every prayer possible.
My joy knew no bounds the next morning because I knew that
all the fight I had been n by having with Kenny was finally going to be over. I
was going to make sure we had as much sex as he wanted that night.
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It has been a week since I finished fastened Kenny has still
not spent a single night in the house. Every morning he came home to dress for
work and didn’t come home till the next morning. Every morning I met him at the
door begging and cajoling but it was always the same. He totally ignored me,
walked past into the guest room and walked back out once he was done changing
cloths and having his bath.
Not one word was ever said in acknowledgment. I began to
think I probably should have compromised during the 100 days. I did not expect
him to take it this far. I did not even know what plausible solution I could
execute. I knew sex was a big deal to men but it was always painful for me
anyway so I was never all excited about it.
On our wedding night, when Kenny deflowered me, I thought I
was only going to feel the pain for less than a week but it has been six months
and every single intimacy we have had was laced with very uncomfortable pain.
Sexist as Kenny was, he felt I was just making a mountain
out of a molehill and sex could not be as painful as I was making it to be. Truth
was if not for the sake of procreation I was comfortable not having sex ever.
The hype is definitely more than the experience. I finally decided that maybe
some physical solution was needed since the spiritual was not solving Kenny and
I’s problem.
I went to Google that afternoon as I got home from work and
searched” how to stop painful sex”. As soon as I finished reading of different
positions to do to ease the pain and how the pain was coming from my mind. I
made a few decisions on making sure sex became enjoyable.
Next, I Google,”how to seduce your husband and I felt so
uncomfortable with the sheer number of unholy things I discovered. I decided to
take a bold step and put some things I found to practice to ensure Kenny
finally stayed home for the night. As alien as it felt, I typed some steamy
texts I found online to Kenny at one hour interval each,”I am burning with
desire for you honey”
When I did not get any response an hour later, I sent
another one I found online, ”I can’t focus, all I can think about is what you
will do to me if you were here with me” Still no response, I sent this 30
minutes later, ”You taught me how to make love, tonight I will show you how
much I have learnt” I got a response after this saying, ”Please I am in a
meeting with the board” I was so happy I literally jumped up from my seat.
This was the only statement Kenny had sent to me in a week
and I decided to send more. ”Just thinking about you inside of me…” He
responded immediately,”Stop this rubbish Omolola” I decided I had had enough of
Google and composed one text message of my own. ”Please come home and stay
tonight. I accept I was wrong. I want to make it right and make it up to you.
Please give me a chance, I love you baby”. He responded
simply with, “Okay”. I was so happy and I quickly jumped up from the couch and
drove to the supermarket.
I bought new matching lingerie, a foot massage kit and also
full body massage oil. I had read on Google that massaging the foot and body
could do wonders in pointing in the right direction. I also bought a lubricator. Google had taught me so much.
I
immediately rushed home after and prepared fried rice with plantain and
peppered chicken for Kenny. By 8pm, I was finally done and ready for him to
walk in. I sat on the sofa in my lingerie and the table was already set.
I tried calling Kenny but his phone was off so I waited. I
must have slept off on the sofa because the sound of the door being opened woke
me up the next morning at about 7am. Kenny never showed up last night. He walked in and paused
for a minute staring at me before walking past as usual to the guest room. I
sat down in frustration and cried so hard. I was still crying when he closed
the door.
On Saturday morning when Kenny walked into the house, I had
decided enough was enough and I was not going to pay for my sins forever. He had no right whatsoever to keep sleeping outside the
house under the guise of anger. I was already waiting for him and as soon as he
stepped in, I just blew up, ”Where do you think you are coming from oga?”
I shouted. He looked at me like I had suddenly grown two
heads and to my surprise he replied, ”Sunrise hotel”. ”Is that where you have
been staying?” I asked unsure. Not expecting him to answer in the first place.
”Yes I got a room there” he answered and looked at me, ”Is that all? he asked.
”No, that is not all Kenny and don’t make me feel stupid.
You have been sleeping outside for the past three weeks and now I am
questioning you, you’re acting ignorant” I was truly bewildered. ”Madam, you asked me where I have been and I answered you.
How am I acting ignorant?” ”Kenny, once again, I am sorry”. ”Okay I have heard.
Just to be clear though, what exactly are you sorry for?” ”Well, I am sorry for
depriving you of sex and fasting without your agreement. I am sorry for being
inconsiderate of your feelings.
Please can we just go back to how we were?” ”Okay, I have
heard you” he said with a straight face. ”Kenny, please now. What else do you
want me to say or do?” ”Lola I said I have heard. Please don’t stress me. I want to ride around the estate on
my bicycle for a while. Is that okay?”
”Okay, that is fine. Do you promise to
stay at home from today?” I asked”Yes, I will. So can I go change and head out
now?” I nodded and got out of his way and he immediately went to the room and
changed into his riding outfit.
He always looked so handsome in his tights and t-shirt
whenever he wanted to exercise and watching him come out of the bedroom, I went
to give him a hug half expecting him to turn me away but he gave me a very
lingering hug and left soon afterwards.
I was so giddy from the obvious reconciliation; I decided to
cook something nice for his breakfast when he returned. A little over thirty
minutes later, I got the call that changed my life forever. With tears in my
eyes not knowing what to expect, I grabbed my car keys and rushed out of the
house to the hospital address I had been given.
I still could not believe my ears that Kenny had been in an
accident. He just left home barely 30 minutes earlier. The caller was unable to
give details of the severity of the accident or what happened. As I drove out
and met with traffic, I tried calling his number back to get more details but
it was switched off.
I contemplated calling family and friends but I decided to
know the status of his health before calling anybody. ”Oh Lord, help me. You
said we shall not die God, please keep my husband. I will not be a widow in my youth oh lord.” Words of prayer
failed me. I did not even know how to pray. Almost an hour later, I finally
drove into the hospital compound and ran inside with deep fear, not knowing
what to expect…….
To Be Continue In Part 3.
